Christmas Audit

Now that we’ve all taken off our Holiday-goggles and are back in our normal lives, we can look back with honesty and appraise how well our loved ones did picking out our bookish gifts. So get those presents together, try to remember who gave them to you and start rating!

1. The books you asked for on your Christmas wishlist
Sure it’s nice to get what you asked for, but it’s also OH-SO boring. Getting presents from your actual Christmas list only shows that your loved ones did not care enough about you to think for themselves. It shows a lazy attitude, a nonchalant disposition and I don’t like it. Zero points!

Even wrapping yourself would be a more original gift

2. You got books from your [enter store name here]– wishlist

Although it’s not very imaginative and not a great approach for the reasons named above, the value of the present could be redeemed. If you did not send them your wishlist and they actually looked for it and picked one or two books out of the hundreds you have wish-listed, they actually did some detective work. They went around searching for your account and browsed through the heap of books you might not even want anymore and picked out the ones they thought were best. They might not be the best, they might have gotten you books you wish-listed years ago on a whim and wouldn’t want to read with ten inch glasses on, but at least they put themselves out there! So extra points for the legwork, 1 point for each book.

I’m imagining wacky adventures for our book detectives to make it more interesting

3. You received a book related subscription
Subscriptions are the gifts that keep on giving. With this you won’t get a present just once, but a bunch of times and when you’re really lucky the whole year round. Every single time when that magazine issue, book or podcast comes into your mailbox you will feel a little bit of joy and love for the person who gave it to you. Getting just one present is no longer good enough. 2 points for magazine subscriptions and podcasts, but we will award five points to awesome subscription services like Indiespensable or Book Riot’s Quarterly Co. I’m still feeling the holiday blues for not getting any of these…

The wide-eyed stare of someone who is drunk on gift-subscriptions

4. The PERFECT book you didn’t even know existed
This is a rare one, so rare that we will award a 100 points and eternal love and gratitude to whomever managed to give it to you. This type of present is often limited to the book-lovers and knowledgeable, so try to surround yourself with as many of these people as possible during the holidays. Getting that rare gift is the best feeling you will get all Christmas. You open up the present, ripping the paper to shreds and when you see the cover you immediately fall in love without even knowing what the book is about. The title and the artwork just speak to you. You slowly turn it around and read the description on the back. The author photograph smiles kindly at you, encouraging you to read and revel in your happiness. The description is just perfect and without having read it you just know that this book is going to be your next favourite book. If you’ve had this experience then please tell everyone, because they deserve to be jealous of you.
If you got a book you had never heard of and it sounds rubbish, then we award that gift no points and we’ll take back any points awarded to you before. Just throw it out and avoid that person until he or she can prove they can do better. We won’t stand for sucky books.

This is the only accurate response to getting a gift of this magnitude

So tell us how you did! How many points were your presents worth and what books did you get? Was it a good Christmas haul or do you need to recover with some book-buying therapy?

Written by Esmée de Heer

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